The Future is in Your Hand

"How are you?" my trainer asked me, after we lost touched for years.
"No good. Still running in the same rat-cage."
"Sam, sam, it's your choice."

It is really a choice? Or is it cos we think we had no choice? Or are underestimating what are capable of doing if we are properly trained?

In a person's life, there are 3 ages. The 1st age is the age of schooling and learning. The 2nd age is the age of career and working. This is the age when one pursue success. The 3rd age is the age of fulfillment and satisfaction. This is the age when one pursue happiness and meaning. Sadly, most people work to their grave without living the 3rd age.

My boss work long hours so much so that he does not spend dinner time with his family.

When I found myself dragging my feet to work, when I break into cold sweat thinking about Monday, when everyone can't wait for 5 o'clock to strike to go home, this kind of work is not what I want. When I came home, I was too tired to play with my children and help them with their studies. This is not the kind of father I want to be.

Saturday and Sunday are happiest time for the family. They ride the bicycle in the park. The playground is a place of laughter and fun. Nobody wants to leave the playground. I wish it's an everyday affair. Why can't every day be a Sunday?

I told my friend how unhappy I am about the rat-race in the cubicle. My friend said we cannot control what happen to us, but we can control how we react.

What I want is to be able to be at home with my loved ones, play with them, hear their laughter and see them grow before my eyes. What I want is to be happy doing what I love, doing what I know best. What I want is to wake up and feel excited about what I am going to do on a brand new day, and knowing what I do is going to be meaningful.

What am I going to do next to change my destiny, to get out of the rat-cage?
Can I survive in the wild jungle?

Are you unhappy in your job? Do you have the courage to step out of your comfort zone and write your future?

They say you have the power to change your destiny.

'The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made, and the activity of making them, changes both the maker and the destination' ~ John H. Schaar

Life and How to Survive it

Life & How To Survive It
by Adrian Tan

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

You’re going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there’s no life expectancy.

Warren Buffett's 7 Secrets for Living a Happy and Simple Life

Warren Buffett never flies in a private jet -- even though he owns the largest private jet company. He also lives in a small three-bedroom house he bought 50 years ago, and keeps himself occupied by playing online bridge. It is refreshing, and inspiring, to hear of a man with all the wealth in the world who still believes that happiness lies not with riches but within yourself. You, too, may become immensely happier by integrating some of the following wisdom into your own life. Secret #1: Happiness comes from within. “In my adult business life I have never had to make a choice of trading between professional and personal. I tap-dance to work, and when I get there it’s tremendous fun.” -- Warren Buffett If you do what you love and love what you do, you’ll naturally be productive. Secret #2: Find happiness in simple pleasures. “I have simple pleasures. I play bridge online for 12 hours a week.” -- Warren Buffett You can also learn to be happy with the simple pleasures of playing cards with friends, playing with your children or taking a walk in the wilderness. Secret #3: Live a simple life. “I just naturally want to do things that make sense. In my personal life too, I don’t care what other rich people are doing. I don’t want a 405 foot boat just because someone else has a 400 foot boat.” -- Warren Buffett Keeping up with the Joneses is the worst epidemic among those who should never contemplate that notion in the first place. Less is more. Secret #4: Think Simply.. “I want to be able to explain my mistakes. This means I do only the things I completely understand.” -- Warren Buffett If you apply this rule in your life, you can develop clarity and sanity in your thoughts. Life is about simple yet profound choices. Secret #5: Invest Simply. “The best way to own common stocks is through an index fund.” -- Warren Buffett Often, the simplest route will bring you the most riches, and the most happiness. Secret #6: Have a mentor in life. “I was lucky to have the right heroes. Tell me who your heroes are and I’ll tell you how you’ll turn out to be. The qualities of the one you admire are the traits that you, with a little practice, can make your own, and that, if practiced, will become habit-forming.” -- Warren Buffett Having a mentor is as important as having a purpose in your life, but having a wrong mentor is as devastating as having a wrong purpose in your life. The mentor has to be someone you can trust. You’ll find that person in your inner circle if you think hard enough. Secret #7: Making money isn’t the backbone of your guiding purpose; making money is the by-product of your guiding purpose. “If you’re doing something you love, you’re more likely to put your all into it, and that generally equates to making money.” -- Warren Buffett

I am back

It has been a year since I last wrote on this blog. It has been a very painful period for me.

One of the most dear to me was taken away from me for 4 years but thanks to God it is now with me. Justice has finally prevailed.

I was verbally abused in my previous job but now I got a new start in my new job.

I disengaged from all activities include my toastmasters activities and writer's guild so that I can rest. I didn't care about the things of the world because I have enough problems of my own. How can I take care of others when I can't take care of myself.

Despite the depression, I was able to fulfill one of my life's dream, which is to help abandon children to find a good family. Many children were saved. I am glad I can make a difference to the lives of these innocent young lives through http://www.adoptachild.sg

I went to a third world country and witness poverty first hand. I saw how they live frugally. I came back with an intense appreciation for life and for simple things that we take for granted.

I came back because as a writer, I must write everyday. Someone suggested that I write 1000 words a day.

I signed up for a one-year e-course by Angela Booth. Every week she sends me some reading material and assignment. The aim is to teach me how to make money as a writer. I like the fact that the teaching material comes in digestible amount. There are assignment and it is spread over a full year. I can also write to her assistant. Her response has been prompt. The fees were affordable.

For the first lesson, I put up a list of sample articles that I have written on my website so that customers have a sampling of my work. Next I participate in a forum where my customers can be found. I insert my signature in my profile. Every day I will visit the forum to contribute and help others. This is like sowing the seed and watering it everyday.

Next I will submit some articles for sales at a website. There is a season for sowing and a season for harvesting. Keep doing it and someday the good harvest will come.

My sister died suddenly at the age of 40. I have passed that age and still alive. I asked God why some people died young and why some people lives longer. "Why do you let me live another day?", I asked God. So I asked that something good will come out of it.

I have also started a facebook account and keep in touch with people I know through their photographs.

I am glad to hear my own voice again through my writing. I hope you enjoy my writing. I love to hear from you and know you as a friend.