Confession of a Hooker

Confession of a Hooker

One of the joys of a writer is that you can write whatever your imagination brings to you, such as "The Confession of a Hooker" written by a virgin.

Do you know that in the minds of the mad people, they see the sane people as truly insane? The way we live like rats, we must be mad. Who is really the mad one? You figure out.

An acquaintance of mine, a local University undergraduate, was supposed to meet at a certain Arts Centre. She had no idea where it is.
She parachuted herself near the MRT.
Called the hotline - me.
"Help, I'm lost"
"Do you know where's the National Library?" I asked her.
"No"

I was thinking, why didn't she figure out the location before she venture out into the unknown. Maybe there's some truth in the saying that women don't read maps. Maybe women depend on their intuition. Or they trust their friends more than the map. Afterall, help is just a phone call away.

As a soldier, not knowing where you are heading is a recipe for disaster and a certain death cos you are leading your men into nowhere. It's like navigating a ship without a direction...unless you are Christopher Columbus, you might just discover America by accident.

Accidentally, she discovered The Substation. After 20 minutes of waiting, eight other members in the room greeted her with applause and standing ovation.
She had arrived...finally.

The Second Prison

The Second Prison
Every month in Singapore, about 1,000 prisoners walked out free from their prison gates...only to face a second prison. Cos the society has rejected them. "Once a criminal, always a criminal", "They deserved it", "They don't deserve a second chance". The voice of hatred for the hurt they did.

They may be free. But for the victims, their scars are forever. For some, nothing really restore their lives.

They deserve a second chance. But how come I don't hear the Govt openly say they will help them get a job, that they will not discriminate them in their job applications? Either I am ignorant or it is not politically correct. I guessed I know what they are going to say, "We don't want to encourage them to think that it is alright to commit crime cos the govt will take care of them"

HR still wants to know if they have a past. The past affects the future for these ex-convicts. With a tainted past, they had no future.

Crime does not pay, even when they have paid for their crime inside the prison cells.

Speak and Die

Speak and die

There is a poem that says if you are silent, you will die. If you speak, you will die. So speak and die.

I think of Ken Saro-Wiwa, a human right activist and writer. He spoke against the Government's corruption and they hung him.
I think of Munir, a human rights activist in Indonesia. They poisoned him.
I think of Gandhi, an activist against the British govt. He was assassinated.
I think of Martin Luther King, an activist for the rights of the Black. He too was assassinated.

If you speak out against the govt, here's what could happen to you, depending on which country you live in:
a. Vanish mysteriously
b. Imprison for revealing state secret
c. Jail for not being totally truth in declaring your income tax
d Get sued for slander
e. send to the mental hospital

You either lose your life, your money or your sanity.

When A Scolding Misfired

When A Scolding Misfired
Mother scolding her daughter: "You mother f****er"
Daddy:Amen

Understand the Language of Politics

Understand the Language of Politics

The language of politics is not to be taken literally.
When Mr Tung of Hong Kong stepped down from his current appointment, the reason he gave was poor health.

Yet he is healthy enough to assume his new appointment.
Only the ignorant would asked for his medical report.

The Beauty of the Indonesian Language

The Beauty of the Indonesian Language

People who are intimate with the Indonesian language declare that it is indeed a beautiful language. I agreed.

For examples, prostitutes are called 'butterflies of the night'. How meaningful is the metaphor.

The breast is called the fruit of the chest. How visual it is.

The sun is called the eye of the day/sky.

When I tried to converse to her with my limited Indonesian vocabulary, I tried to make do with whatever words I know.

When I want to tell her that the fish need to be exposed to the sun to be dried, I said, "The sun want to kiss the fish" (matahari cium ikan)

When I want to say, the sun is not up yet, I say, "The eye of the sun has not open yet"

Indonesians are so polite that they don't use negative words. They say,less of a positive trait. For example, instead of saying rude, they use the word "less courteous" (kurant kopan)

I'm confused with the words 'bintang' and 'binatang'. One means 'star' and the word means 'animal'. When I tried to say this hotel is a 5-star hotel, I ended up saying, "This hotel has 5 animals".

The Best Toilet in the World

The Best Toilet in the World
David, the man who made Singapore proud when he kissed Mount Everest, once shared this experience.

He said that doing his toilet business in the mountain is a heavenly experience.

1. He has the best view in the world. Open and unobstructed. Singaporeans paid millions for a house with that kind of view.

2. He didn't have to queue for the toilet. And he can squat there as long as he want without anyone knocking on his door. No rush. Take your time.

3. It's fully airconditioned. No aircond bill.

4. No need to flush. No fine.

Too Poor to Afford Justice

Too Poor to Afford Justice

People said Education is expensive.
I say Justice is most expensive.
Only those who have the money can afford to engage a lawyer to fight for their rights, for justice, to be heard in the Court.

Do you know what is the cost of engaging a lawyer?

To photostat a dozen sheets of paper which takes only 5 minutes would cost %50

To appear in a subordinate court for just a few minutes, taking the lawyer a half day costs $1,000.

When you engage a lawyer, he asked you to pay $2,000. Later he tells you that it is non-refundable. Midway he discharged himself. And you don't get a cent back. Sad to say, that some of the most despicable are also lawyers cos they prey upon the ignorance of the victims.

To engage a lawyer to represent you high court would cost more than $5,000. So if you can't afford that kind of money, you simply don't get access to justice.

Recently there was a case of man who was jailed for a couple of months and by the time his appeal was heard and the Court overturned the previous ruling, he had already served his sentence. He did not pay his bail and naturally he has to stay in jailed. Who would want to stay in jail anywhere. I doubt he had the money to pay the bail. His lawyer reprsented him for free but discharged himself half way. Was there compensation for the injustice? No. The authorities said no, cos it has never been done before in other countries, cos no malice was intended. Was anyone punished? No. Was justice served? No.

If this man had the money in the first place, would this had happened?

Here was a case of a child taken away by the state. It has been 10 months since and it was claimed that Police had not complete their investigation although there were no follow-up for half a year. Could it be a case of the Police having too many cases to handle to follow-up every case?

Appeal was made to the the MP to expediate the case. Was told to wait for a month for a reply from the Police Station. These people can wait. But the child cannot. The family cannot get to see their child grow up, cannot read bed stories to her, cannot sing lullaby, cannot go out and celebrate family occasion like birthdays and weddings.

The greatest myth of justice is that one is innocent until proven guilty. But the reality shows otherwise. It is something people don't talk about it otherwise you get send to the Mental Hospital for insanity, or get sued.

If there is any consolation, it is in the word of God. God said, "Revenge is mine". I certainly hope so. Maybe it is too late. Cos we cannot buy back the time. Cos we cannot reverse the childhood years of separation. Cos she will never know what it is like to be hug or to be carried, to be tug in bed. Revenge cannot restore a child's childhood.

How to Prevent Date Rape

How To Prevent Date Rape

"In an age when date rapes are rampant, what do you think girls and boys, should do when someone offers to buy them drinks?"

Guess who knows the answer best? Ask the owner of a disco club, Mr Lincoln Cheng of Zouk, of course.

He said: "After the drinks have been served, swop drinks and ask your counterpart to down his/hers first. Absolutely fool proof"

Brilliant!

Of Delicacies, Old Man and Angel

Of Delicacies, Old Man and Angel

If you ever travel overseas and the locals suggest you try their delicacies, beware.
What is delicacies to the local is often extreme gourmet to you.

For example, durian is the delicacies of Singaporeans. We will never never understand why foreigners think it is as pungent as the sewerage.

In a recent documentary, Singaporeans went to China in search of exotic delicacies. They puked on eating body parts like the eyes and organs, and strange insects like rats ,insects and worms.

I think I will stick to plain vegetables.

Yesterday my RC group went out for supper. An old man, probably age over 70, went with us. I know that every old person WAS once a cute baby, WAS once a young suave man, was once an attractive person enough to get married, WAS once an achiever. So I enquired about his background. He WAS working in the bank for 25 years. He WAS the Chairman of the RC 25 years ago. When he first settled at Simei, there was no coffeeshops or MRT. Just swamp.

I said he had such a history that he ought to write his life story before the world forgets the past. Today he whiles the day away, sometimes on mahjong sessons.

When I look at an old person, I see my father in them. They were once like us. They were young, handsome and capable once. They went through life's harsh experience. They have accumulated life's wisdom. So I never never belittle them. They come from a different generation where the values are different. Someday, we too will grow old.

I enjoyed talking to old folks cos they have such a rich history of experience.
That one regret I have is that I am unable to converse deeply with my parents cos of my limited vocabulary in my Hakka dialect. I am unable to record their history. I have lost the history of my forefathers. The Govt's campaign to eradicate the use of dialects in media had permanently erase the culture that comes with the dialect. I am a Chinese yet I unable to appreciate the beauty of a Tang poetry or the rich Chinese literature.

In my time, it is a normal ritual for a family to eat together, for people to spend with cash only, for matchmaking. Today, the Govt has to do a campaign to encourage families to eat together, a campaign to 'Romance Singapore'. Today, people are spending with money they don't have via credit card. In the past, to divorce is a shame. Today, divorce is a norm. In the past, cohabitation is a shame. Today, it is a norm. In the past, virginity is prized. Today, virginity is something to be laughed at. The societal values have changed.

Today I asked my 4.5-year-old Sarah what she wants to be when she grow up.
"An angel", she said.

William Hung and the Singapore Idols

William Hung and Singapore Idols

William Hung has change the world in a unique way.

The military has discovered the latest torture device in William Hung.
They torture their prisoners by playing his songs non-stop over the air all day long.
"Please, please, not another song. I rather be hung! Ok Ok, I confess."
Now the human rights groups are getting busy investigation such allegations.

William has contribute to the world of literature.
In him, we found a nice metaphor:
"You sing as well as William Hung."
Is that a compliment?"
Yea, yea, absolutely, you stupid!"

Simon Cowell is a maestro in the art of insulting the maestro. If you
hear him say, "William Hung can sing better than you, can shake his
bon bon better than you," remember I'm his speech writer for this one.

In Singapore, for lack of creative original ideas, we saw what
American did and we followed, copied, plagiarised.
We had the Singapore Idol Contest! Big deal.

When the judge asked them why they want to join the contest,
they said, "I want to be the William Hung of Singapore!"
They must have mistaken it to be the Singapore Idiot.
Can you tell the difference between 'idol', 'idle' and 'idiot'?

If you can't be the best winner, you can be the best loser!
Bad, badder, bast!
Bad is good.
Michael Jackson said so. He said, "I'm bad. I'm bad. I'm bad'.
Badder than William Hung?
You bet.
I hope he don't get hung by the jury.

Laughter in the Midst of Sorrow

Laughter in the Midst of Sorrow

Neil Humphreys wrote about his trip to Banda Aceh, in the aftermath of the Tsunami disaster. He went there with some footballers to bring some joy to the Acehnese kids. He wrote:

"When the kids were handed their footballs, the mothers fought back tears to express their gratitude."

The footballers and their balls brought a lot of laughter to the kids. Neil ended with this short simple sentence.

"It stops them from crying"

He said it right that "humour was an essential survival tool"

When I was at the lowest point of my life, when I was stucked in the deepest valley of depression, I had to inject myself with an overdose of humour, so that I can forget to cry.

Raise your hats to the comedians and the clowns cos they make people laugh. They make people forget their sorrows. They bring healing to the hurting hearts. They are the healers of the soul.

Today is Today

Today is Today
My 4-year old Sarah uttered these words of wisdom:
"Today is Today. Tomorrow is tomorrow"
So simple, yet so profound.

The Highest Paid Professions in the World

The Highest Paid Profession in the World

The highest paid profession in the world are prostitutes, lawyers and doctors.
The fee to engage the lawyer for one court appearing can cost a four figure. To photostate a few pieces of paper costs $50.

While prostitutes feed on their lust, lawyers feed on their misery, and doctors on their pain.

In the court of law, there is no justice. Only power. The power of persuasion rules. Who can turn a black cat to a white cat better?

Is Michael Jackson a white cat or a black cat?