Casino

Casino is Here
[Disclaimer: Work of fiction]

The casino operators are eyeing this piece of goldmine like a hawk.
The authorities saw the money the way Eve saw the apple.
The forbidden fruit looks good.
"If we bite it, we are going to be rich"
"Never mind, what God says about morality. Let the priests take care of it"
The other day, the authorities and the casino operator called me to join them for a chat at the Kopitiam.
They asked me how can they bring in the casinos and allay the fears of the citizens.

I told them. You have come to the right place. It's a goldmine here. Look at the TONTON queue.
It's so long that you thought they are queuing for a free meal. Look at the HORSE Club. It's pack
like sardin. Even David Beckam cannot command that kind of audience size. When the horses gallop,
the roar of the audience is so loud, even the Tiger roar, and the Kallang roar is no match.

I did a survey and asked the old man at the queue what he was buying.
"For a piece of hope, my friend".

So I told them, casino is good for the people. It brings hope to the hopeless. That's good news for the citizens. That will cut down the suicide rate from on a day. Everyday, they can buy the newspaper to check their numbers and hope for a lucky strike. It's good business for the newspaper vendors too.

But we have to content with the religious people who has been nagging us like our mothers.
"Oh gambling is bad, blah blah blah"

Don't worry, I assure them. I have an answer to that.

We all know that smoking is bad, yet we are able to sell it like hot cakes. How did we do it?
Put a warning label and help lines on the packet. "It's bad for your health. May cause cancer. If you need a
doctor call this number xxxx. If you have bad breath, call the dentist at this number xxxx."

We'll do the same for the lottery machines. Put a warning label on it. If they need a counsellor, here a number to call.
If they need to borrow more money, here' s a syndicate they can call. You can sell your handphone, or your car, or whatever your have. Service is fast. On the spot. No form filling, no queue, no waiting. And if you have a body to match, you can rent out your body for an hour. I heard the rate in Gentine is RM500. If the money is not enough, we can have 2 men to 1. This is called leveraging your time. More bucks for the same time. If you still need more money , no problem, we can have a 3-in-1 orgies.

To protect the poor people who don't have the big buck to gamble, we will have a secure measure to control their access. First they got to show their IC. Anway, wee don't want underaged people to come and look see look see and crowd around. This is not a pasar malam (night market).

Then they got to show us their income tax declaration. If they are not paying income tax, obviously they are too poor to gamble. We will suggest they go to play the 4-D at the grocery shop.

In this time of unemployment, the citizens will be happy to hear that casinos will bring in a lot of jobs.
We need more counsellors, priests and pimps. We need more licensed loan sharks, pawn shops, credit consolidation services. We can afford to set up another university to train these people.

"What if these protest?", one of the M asked.
"Don't worry, the worst case scenario - have a casino for tourist only".
"Our people are just too poor. Look at their saving. 1 in 5 have less than $10,000"

If you recall, wherever the soldiers are based, a whole new industry is built overnight around their camp to service their need. So where the money is, the flies will swamp. The smell of money can build a town overnight. Creates a lot of jobs.
Bring in the tourists. They got the money.

When I head the ABBA singing "Money money money....", a lightbulb lighted up. Hey, we can use that for our campaign!

I told them as responsible operators, they could contribute some of their earnings to charity to help treat gambling addicts. For good public image, portray themselves as a charitable organisation. Do a study to monitor gambling habits. Show people how much jobs they can create. Provide funds for the treatment of addicts, education, research and awareness campaigns. Contribute to the redevelopment of the city such as the red carpeting of the street, so that we can draw in the tourists.

Think about it...just $2 of coffee for these pieces of advice....hmm.. I should have charge them a consultation fee.